I’m now in my fiftieth year (yikes where did all of that time go!) and I don’t think I have ever reflected on a past year in any great detail.
Yes, I have set (and broke) many new years resolutions. But never actually sat down and thought about what was good and bad so I could improve them next year. Which is great coming from someone who likes to plan and be organised!
So this year I thought I would try something different and I would sit down and do a 2018 year end reflection.
So with 2018 coming to a close I thought I would jot down my highlights and lowlights.
This is gratuitously egocentric so I’ll apologise for that now before I go any further.
I followed a template to help me try to formulate my thoughts and this is what I came up with:
2018 best parts: (What was it, why was it good, what can I learn from it)
- Mr H arranged a surprise 50th birthday party – even though I said I didn’t want one! I am truly grateful that all my family made the effort to come and see me and enjoyed the fun of surprising me. It meant such a lot to me that they had taken the time to come and visit me, and spend time with me. And I can’t believe Mr H managed to arrange it all without me realising. Although I’m not sure he is fully forgiven for going against my wishes!! What this showed me was that being present and making the time for people does make a difference and I must try to do it more.
- Finally moving back into our house, after 9 months living away whilst building work was going on, felt fantastic. If I look back at where we started and what we ended up with I can’t honestly believe what we have achieved. Yes it took longer than expected, cost more than expected and I had many more arguments with Mr H than I am comfortable with, but we made it through and are enjoying the luxury of all of the space it provides. To end up with the result you want, it really is worth persevering with the pain. Life isn’t about luck it is about the sweat and toil to get there. That is living and that is what makes it worthwhile.
- My cousin was diagnosed with cancer last year and whilst she had received treatment, it took an ugly turn earlier this year when tumours were discovered throughout her body, even on her brain. We hadn’t seen her for quite a long time and made an emergency visit. We really thought this was a case of saying goodbye. The doctors didn’t think they could do anymore, and were trying to discuss with her children to accept the inevitable. But through determination from her children and an inner strength that is hard to believe, she pulled through. The doctors can’t explain it but she is now cancer free. She has had a tough life and yet even with this thrown at her she didn’t give up and kept on fighting. She truly amazes me and I can’t put it into words how much of an inspiration she is. If I could have even half of her determination and strength I could do amazing things.
- I know I am a fickle sort of creature. I have been trying to find some work that I value and enjoy doing. Finding something that makes me want to jump enthusiastically out of bed each morning is a great desire. I have gone through many ideas. In fact I have always had several options on the go but never really stuck or progressed with any one of them. Interestingly (well interesting for me anyway) after taking a personality test, (for a bit of fun to try to prove a point with Mr H) I had a bit of a eureka moment. My personality type indicated that I like organising. And you know what, I had never really thought about that but I really do. I love planning and arranging things. In fact, I find part of the fun is the planning of an event. Thinking of what I’ll make, when I need to do it, who is coming etc. . Which was why I didn’t really want a surprise birthday party as my fun part was taken away from me if I couldn’t plan it. I also know that if I have a plan I can move forward. When I am just jumping from one idea to anther I get more and more confused and disillusioned. What I have also discovered is that I can lose myself in designing stuff. So by joining the two concepts together LifePlannerAddict was born. I have so many ideas to bring to you and am frustrated that I can’t do everything all at once. But with small steps I hope that this little blog becomes something useful and meaningful to both of us, you and me.
2018 hard parts: (What was it, why was it bad, what can I learn from it)
- The house renovations have certainly taken it’s toll on my relationship with Mr H. Yes we argued a lot, but more than that it has become clear that we are two very different people, who work in very different ways. And they don’t necessarily work well together. I can’t pretend anymore that we will have this rosy future where we walk hand in hand sharing everything, helping each other and working together. He likes to do things his way and I like to do it mine. Of course we know whose way is the right one! But it may be no bad thing. What I have learned from the personality test is that we are simply just different and that is OK. We just both need to accept what makes the other tick and build strategies so that we both feel positive and validated. This is going to take a lot of work from both of us going forward.
- It is amazing how much stuff you take for granted and you don’t really appreciate it until you lose it. Take being able to see for example. It’s a given isn’t it, you don’t really think about it, right? But I’ve started getting double vision over the course of this year. The doctors don’t really know why. They suspect it is a tired muscle but are not sure. Because of this I find it really difficult to get out and about much and I am banned from driving for the time being. I live in a rural location and the only way to get about is to drive. This has made life difficult and remote. Now I have to rely on friends and family to take me places. I have never felt so dependant. Hopefully this is just a small blip and my eyes will correct themselves soon, or the doctors can do something to correct them. Until then I will very much be grateful for anyone taking their time out to drive me around. Hopefully I can return the favour sometime soon.
- As part of the joy of reaching 50 it has meant that I am finding it much more difficult to commit and stay focussed on being healthy. Yes, I’m blaming my age, I have to blame something! My weight and size are more than I would like and havn’t improved at all throughout the year. If anything it has deteriorated. I can only blame myself and my lack of willpower. I really must focus on making small sustainable changes to turn myself around before the amount that needs to be done becomes too overwhelming.
Aspirations for 2019:
Create a more positive mindset by appreciating, enjoying and being grateful for the small things.
Make big changes with small steps. Creating consistent good habits will create great achievements over the course of the year.